RAPE FREE COMEDY
Since this episode there has been much discussion in the comedy community about rape jokes. (Again, I would not consider Tosh's remark a joke). Many in the comedy community and the comedy audience have called for an end to rape jokes. Some women groups have claimed men should not be able to tell rape jokes. This is where the rape joke waters get murky. What is a rape joke? Tosh's remarks would not qualify as it was not a traditional joke, more of an impulsive jab thrown at a heckler. Are all jokes which contain the word "rape" a rape joke? Are jokes which imply rape, without stating the word, considered rape jokes. Is a joke considered a rape joke if it makes fun of the victim? Is it a rape joke if it makes fun of the assailant? This is where I get confused. The "rape joke" has become eerily similar to the "clean set." What is a rape joke?
Let's start with what a rape joke isn't. A rape joke is not rape. A rape joke is words. An actual rape is an unconscionable ACTION, big difference. Maybe if we took the overblown outrage regarding the rape joke and funneled it into actual rape prevention we might help solve the heinous act which is rape. I had rather eliminate rapes before addressing rape jokes. Unless of course there is some sort of study which demonstrates rape jokes lead to actual rape. Is a male audience member more likely to rape a fellow comedy patron if he hears a rape joke? I do not believe a rational, responsible man is steered toward rape after listening to a rape joke. I believe any rapist attending a comedy show will probably continue his rape behavior regardless of the number of rape jokes heard at the show.
Now some women have jumped on the overblown outrage bandwagon and stated men should not make rape jokes. The assumption is men have not suffered the emotional and physical scars of rape. This is true, most of the time. Of course I have never been in a plane crash, died of a disease, murdered anyone, been murdered, or been involved in a war but that does not stop me from telling jokes about all these circumstances. All these circumstances involve tremendous amounts of pain and many result in death. My wife died in a motorcycle accident.... I have a routine about that. I am sure some find it offensive, especially if they have lost a loved one in a motorcycle accident yet I have never had anyone heckle me for telling jokes about motorcycle accidents or death. You cannot get counseling and resume your life after dying in a motorcycle accident. You can after being raped. In the top ten worst things that can happen, I would rank death above rape. I know some will say death and rape are not the same. Rape is a violent act forced upon an unwilling victim. So is death in the form of murder, comics joke about murderers and murders often. In fact as a society we often applaud murder, especially if it is part of an act of war or retribution. Remember how much we cheered when Osama bin Laden died? Murder can be funny...... and patriotic.
Anyone who believes Daniel Tosh actually wanted that woman to be raped is an absolute idiot. Of course, I am sure you would never say something like that. I am sure you have never told someone you could kill them.... no, not you. You are as wholesome as apple pie. You have never said something stupid in the heat of the moment when some pious asshole with an axe to grind interrupted your job..... no, not you. I have heard numerous comedians do shitty jokes/sets and I quietly rose from my chair and headed home. I did not interrupt the performance to express my displeasure. The heckler chose to open her mouth after being told by club management, before the show, not to heckle. She did a stupid thing and Tosh followed with an even stupider thing. She should have rose from her chair and drove to the nearest rape shelter and volunteered time but I bet.... she didn't. Instead she has been applauded for being the "defender of women's rights" by those who are stupid enough to believe words are more valuable than actions.
So now the comedy community has been faced with the rising tide of "no rape jokes." God forbid anyone in the audience be offended by words in the form of a joke. Soon those offended by the word rape will generalize their anxiety to all spoken words and society will be filled with those who are unable to tolerate the spoken word. The horror is unimaginable. Droves of comedy going patrons will surely suffer rape joke PTSD. Which brings us back to the question "what is a rape joke?" Not all rape jokes are offensive.
"So last night I hear a woman blowing a rape whistle so I start running toward the alley and I'm struggling to adjust my condom....... 'cause I wanna get their before it's over."
That one was. The joke gets a very good laugh but I find it offensive. This joke has the word rape in it and it seems to condone rape. I can see where this joke might be offensive. I also see it is funny. Sometimes the line is a little more blurry.
"I'm trying to get in shape so I joined Anytime Fitness. It's open 24/7 and since I do comedy I don't usually work out until midnight or later. Every now and then when I enter the facility there is a woman there working out...... by herself. She's on the eliptical and I see her watching me out of the corner of her eyes....... and I know what she is thinking...... 'I hope he's not a rapist.' And of course I'm thinking....... (look around)........ 'Should I rape her?"
Technically I guess this would be considered a rape joke as it contains the word "rape." This joke always results in tremendous laughter. First because it surprises the audience. It also aknowledges the inherent dichotomy of the situation, the fear of the woman and the predatory nature of some men. It also underlines all "stranger males" are potentially suspected rapists. This is ironic as the majority of women are not raped by strangers but by friends and family members. The same is true of molestation. Children are taught "Stranger Danger" but the real danger is family and friends. The joke underscores the uncomfortableness of the situation for both sexes. Regrettably it also reveals the aggressive thoughts (not actions) of some men. I believe it is the honesty regarding this stressful situation and subsequent thoughts which brings the laughter. Regrettably, many can identify with this situation. This joke addresses the elephant in the room...... how is that bad?
"20% of rape victims have an orgasm...... yeah............ I was shocked too............ then I was pissed..... that's better than my batting average with consensual sex."
The joke has the word rape in it so for some it qualifies as a rape joke. Yet the butt of the joke is me and my inability to bring a woman to orgasm. The joke is also educational. Most people are unaware of this actual statistic. Those same people are also unaware that many women who experience an orgasm during rape are less likely to report it due to shame and guilt. This compounds the difficulty of effectively surviving and recovering from a rape. I've had more than one woman approach me after a show and tell me she thought she was the only one who experienced this. I encouraged them to seek counseling. How is this joke upsetting?
"There is a lot of controversy about telling rape jokes. I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. So last week, I started a rape prevention program........... which involves.......... me staying sober and remaining at home on the weekends."
Again the word "rape" is in the joke. This joke outlines in a direct fashion that rapists are primarily men. It also outlines that many rapes are fueled by alcohol or other drugs. Paradoxically it hints that rapes occur at home also, often between spouses or committed couples. How is this joke harmful?
During this "rape joke" debate I have heard no mention of eliminating prison rape jokes. I can only surmise prison rape jokes are acceptable. I can assume the non-consensual and violent violation of a convicted felon is acceptable comedy fodder. As an ex-con, I find this painfully offensive.
I have read many articles regarding comedy and the rape joke. I have found nothing more offensive or ignorant than the statement which has been marketed by every rape prevention program since I was a kid. Please tell me this is a joke. Please tell me I am not the only person who sees the stupidity in this statement.
No Means No!
Evidently the people who developed this slogan have never worked with rape victims. What if the woman is incapable of saying "no!" A woman who has tape over her mouth cannot say "no!" A woman who is unconscious due to a blow to the head or a drug slipped in her drink is unable to say "no!" A woman who is inebriated to the point she cannot speak cannot say "no!" Many women are regularly raped by a spouse and do not say "no!" because they have been taught and believe they do not have the right to say "no!" to their spouse. Some women simply do not posses the ability to say "no!" because they have been victimized since childhood. The slogan should be:
Yes Means Yes
and in the Absence of a Yes.....
It's a No!
But I guess that doesn't fit nicely on a bumper sticker. We should also quit selling rape as a crime of violence. I do not mean to imply it is not a violent crime but I am stating many women believe forced sexual activity without physical violence is not rape. Some women who are not hit, or give in so they are not hit, do not believe they have been raped and do not report it.
We live in a world which spends more time discussing cyberbullying than real bullying. We live in a world which states guns do not kill......... but words do. We kill Muslims but we can't make jokes about them. Believe me, if I were a soldier I had rather hear a joke about a car bomber than experience a car bomber. This whole debate is a fuckin' joke. That's right, I said the "f" word. God forbid I say the "f" word. It might offend all the people who are busy...... fucking...... with or without consent. Let's not offend with our words...... just with our actions. I had a comedian friend approached after a show by a couple who was offended by his use of the "f" word. The man, donning a wedding band, stated his companion, not wearing a wedding band, was offended by the "f" word. I approached and asked if his wife was offended. He stated she was. I responded "when you called her at home was she more offended by the comedian using the 'f' word or by the fact you are fucking someone behind her back whom you took to the comedy show." Again, the word is so much more harmful than the action. We are so fuckin' sensitive!
We are so simple. Let's label something as all good or all bad. God forbid we have to pause for a moment and use our powers of discrimination. Just tell me all the soldiers are heroes and all the Muslims are Al-Qeada. Then I can lay down and rest before I get a migraine. If a Christian is offended by a rape joke I would advise they burn their Bibles. It is not only mentioned, it is condoned. That's no joke.
The politically correct movement has gone too far. I find myself being constantly offended by those who are easily offended. If you are easily offended by words and ideas then stay at home, watch TV and listen to your spouse fart. Maybe the adult world is too much for you. The world needs shut-ins. That's why we have Meals on Wheels. Everybody is not going to agree with everything said or done. Our beloved founding forefather, Thomas Jefferson, did much for a fledgling America..... he also raped his slaves. Sally, his slave, never heard of the slogan "No Means No" and it wouldn't have made a difference because if she would've said "no!" or put up a fight she would have been killed. I bet Sally knew the immense difference between a rape joke and an actual rape. I bet Tommy Jefferson did also.
The standard comedy club will hold 200-300 people, in that audience someone will most assuredly find something offensive. If we remove anything which is potentially offensive from comedy what will we be left? Carlin won't be able to reduce the ten commandments to two because he might offend the Christians. Pryor won't be able to describe his heart attack because people die of heart disease. Dangerfield won't be able to "get no respect" because kids with low self esteem commit suicide. Eddie Murphy won't be able to make fun of HIV because people have lost their lives to AIDS. Dennis Miller will not be able to make light of politicians because politicians are killing our country. Louis C.K. will not be able to tell jokes about addicts because people lose their battles with addiction. Ralphie May won't have an act because people die of diabetes brought on by morbid obesity.
Stand-up Comedy is the last bastion of free speech. The laughter will determine if the joke is funny. The following created by the comedian will determine if he is offensive, unless you follow Andrew "Dice" Clay. The only rule in comedy should be............. NO RULES ....... I think Lenny Bruce would agree.
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