SADDLE UP... WE'RE HEADED TO SCHOOL

How can a child shoot up a school?  The answer is obvious.  Bad parenting.  Parents don’t want to hear this reality.  We all know the parents who have the kid who we all know is going to shoot up a school or find another way to end up in prison.  If you don’t know those parents and those kids…then you are probably that parent and they are your kids.  The kids you see hitting their parents.  More likely to shoot up a school.  The kids you see cussing at their parents.  More likely to shoot up a school.  The kids you see throwing a tantrum in the store as their parents stand idly by.  More likely to shoot up a school.  The kid calling his mother by her first name.  More likely to shoot up a school.  The kid who has a list of prescription medications which is exceeded by his parents.  More likely to shoot up a school. 

     I spent more than twenty-five years as an Occupational Therapy provider.  I posses Bachelors Degrees in Behavior Modification and Clinical Psychology.  I have a Masters Degree in Counseling and Human Development.  I worked with children in a clinical setting and in a classroom setting.  In the classroom setting I specialized in behavioral problem children.  I have provided therapy/counseling services to children since 1985.  Is there a difference in ten-year-old children from 1985 and ten-year-old children from 2015?  Absolutely.  The children are much fatter.  Why is that?  Because the adults are a lot fatter.  We will come back to that point later.  To place the blame on the children is to ignore that which created this vast difference in children over this thirty-year span… the parents.  More specifically, parenting styles.  Even more specifically, lack of parenting style. 

     In 1975, I was ten years old.  I was raised in a manner which would most definitely be considered child abuse by today’s standard.  Physical violence, in the form of a spanking, was a semi-regular occurrence.  I vividly remember being struck in the head by my father’s hand for behavioral violations.  On occasion I would take the brunt of his high school graduation ring to my skull.  Which was quite confusing because my father had a GED.  To think my father bought a pawn shop high school graduation ring to hit me with not only made me fearful but made me feel special.  Even more disturbing is the fact while my father was striking me he would be screaming, “Boy, you’re gonna learn!”  Which I found highly amusing from a man who possessed a GED.  I am familiar with the pain of restriction, loss of allowance and loss of entertainment devices.  I remember these events well because they taught me a lesson.  I can rarely remember the behavioral infraction where violence was dispensed upon me.  For those occasions where loss of privileges or freedom were deemed necessary punishments, I remember them well.  If you have an idiot for a kid you are probably going to have to hit him.  And if you hit a smart kid often enough he will become an idiot.  I am not a fan personally or professionally of hitting a child.  It should be a last resort for emergency situations.  But I am a supporter of popping a kid in the mouth for disrespectful responses or snatching their ass off the floor to end a tantrum.  A parent’s task is to train a child.  Some parents will argue their job is to love the child.  It’s very simple… if you love a child, you will train them. 

     Often the question is, “How do I learn to train them?”  Again, this is a simple answer.  Watch the Dog Whisperer.  The techniques to train a child and a dog are eerily similar.  First and foremost, the parent must be the Pack Leader.  That’s right… you gotta, at least, act like you know what the fuck you are doing.  This is very important.  A child does not need a parent who is overly emotional, looks perpetually confused and seem totally overwhelmed.  Those children need to be taken to the fire station.  Give someone else a chance.  I know the rumor is the fire station will only take babies.  What are they going to do if you drop off a ten-year-old?  They are not gonna leave the child out in the cold.  If you are dropping off a sixteen or seventeen-year-old make sure they do not follow you back home in your other car.

     I am sure some you are thinking you were not taught the specifics of raising a child.  You also weren’t taught ten ways to have an orgasm but your sure as hell read that article in one sitting.  So, head on down to the bookstore and get you a copy of an effective parenting guide.  To save you a couple of bucks here is the jest of the child raising movement… CONSEQUENCES.  That’s right…. CONSEQUENCES.  One more time…. CONSEQUENCES.  The key to raising a productive, non-mass shooting child is CONSEQUENCES.  A child’s behavior must result in CONSEQUENCES… good and bad.  In fact the preferred ratio is 4:1.  For every one behavior you punish you should find four behaviors to reward.  I know some of you are thinking it is going to be hard to find my child performing four good behaviors.  As you are laughing that reality off remember it is your shitty parenting which has brought you to this point.  I would stop laughing… it’s sad.

     Behavioral consequences are the key to raising a well-adjusted child who feels they have some control over their environment.  This will prevent your child from spending their afternoons on the internet learning how to make an AR-15 out of cheese.  Consequences teach a child … when I do this… this happens.  This pairing of behavior and consequence brings order, stability and predictability to their world.  This child does not feel the world is an uncontrollable series of events.  They feel they can act on the world and it makes a positive difference.  They develop an Internal Locus of Control.  This helps builds self esteem and rational thought.

     Quite simply, undesirable consequences teach a child a behavior is unacceptable.  Desirable consequences teach a child a behavior is acceptable.  Let’s look at an example.  “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom can I have my phone?”  You give the child their phone.  The child learned if they irritate you by calling your name SEVEN times you will give them their phone.  “Mom, can I have my phone?”  “No.”  “But mom…”  “Go get your phone.”  The child returns with their phone.  You place the phone on the ground, step on it and break it.  Do you think the child will ask twice again?  NO.  I know you are thinking you spent hundreds of dollars on that phone.  Or you could spend thousands of dollars on therapy… or on ammo for his rifle. 

     Three, Two, One and a half…. This is the warning countdown of a shitty parent.  Give the consequences on the first trial.  The child will learn the appropriate behavior more quickly and you will not be tempted to drown the child in the tub.  The child knows what they did wrong.  On the rare occasion they do not know, they have time to figure it out while on restriction.  Make sure appropriate behaviors are outlined prior to release from restriction.  A child who is placed on complete restriction for two weeks after throwing a baseball through a window will be less likely to shoot his classmates because he has already experienced jail time.  This child understands their actions produce consequences, if to no one else other than their self.  Complete restriction means they do not play in the games or go to the recitals or sing in the choir.  This teaches them not only do they suffer but others suffer for their behaviors also.  This lesson may stop them from mowing down a room full of classmates. 

     Don’t get the kid a phone.  I know… I know… all the other kids have phones.  If all the other parents were letting their kid jump off a bridge would you let yours?  I know… I know… what if there is an emergency?  Are you a first responder?  Then shut the fuck up.  They will give you a phone call just like in the old days…. after they have pasted his head back together.  Then you can ask all the questions you want.  Remember when you broke your arm, you got a cast and you were cool?  Now we cut down the tree you fell from, your parents sue Mother Nature and the child goes to counseling for PTSD.  Parents are the problem.  Let me ask you a question… “Would you send your kid to school if you knew a rapist, a killer and a porn star were having sex with a horse in his class that day?”  When you send your kid to school with a phone that is who you are sending to school with them.  Not your kid?  Yes, your kid.  At least one of the kids in the classroom has this on his phone.  You know what they call that kid?  The MOST POPULAR KID.  This child is showing your eight-year-old daughter how to give a blow job on his phone.  This child is showing your son a drug dealer cutting the head off three different men.  Thank God you got them that phone… it keeps them out of your hair.  Keeps them busy.  You can keep tabs on them. 

     Quit buying violent video games.  Quit letting children watch violent videos/movies.  I know… I know… we saw violent images when we were kids.  Did we?  Cowboys got shot on television they grabbed their side and slowly collapsed to the ground.  Most of the time there was no blood.  Now we allow them to play video games where heads explode after being fired upon, usually with a military-grade rifle, and blood splatters everywhere as they collapse headless onto the ground twitching.  In fact, the more heads you can blow off the more points you get.  Kind of like the higher the body count for your mass shooting the more publicity you get.  Kid are being desensitized to violence, firearm use and death.  In the 70’s, I remember being startled when my Rockem Sockem robots head popped up.  GTF, Grand Theft Auto, a game played by many elementary school children introduces them to whores, guns, violence and death.  A child, even teenagers, do not understand the concept of death.  They do not understand the consequences and the permanence of such a decision to take their own life or another’s life.  It is a game.  Reboot it and start again with the same characters… there is no death in the virtual world.

     Stop mainstreaming “special kids.”  I know it sounds good to mainstream a special kid.  Makes us feel warm inside.  It doesn’t work.  Special kids belong in special classes.  Classes where their special behaviors do not disrupt the rest of the class.  Students should not be forced to function in fear they may be physically attacked by a special kid because politically correct adults want to pretend this is a productive idea.  It isn’t.  Imagine we take all the varsity basketball players who can dunk and place them on a team then we put one kid on that team who cannot make a lay-up.  Is that kid going to fit in?  NO.  Is that kid going to be ridiculed?  YES.  Might that kid become angry and resentful?  SURE.  Nobody wins in this scenario.  The special kid falls further behind.  The non-special kids are slowed and disrupted.  Special kids belong in special classes where they can find success.  We do not have Special Olympians compete against non-Special Olympians.  Nobody’s a winner.

     The fact is many difficult and potentially crazy kids are surviving childhood these days.  This is the result of childproofing.  In the 70’s natural selection took out many of these kids.  At least two kids a year were run over on the walk home because we did not have school zones and they refused to utilize the crosswalks.  A butter knife and an outlet immediately stopped many a behavior problem in their tracks.  Lead paint slowly worked its magic on kids who could not follow instructions.  The picky eaters slowly and quietly starved.  Back in the day, a small child was the airbag which saved the life of a parent in a vehicle collision.  Childproofing has allowed these difficult, unruly and potential school shooters to survive childhood.

     If your kid was allergic to bees would you take up beekeeping?  NO.  So, when you have a crazy kid …. don’t own guns.  Even if you lock them up…. don’t have guns!  Crazy kids are like safecrackers when it comes to unlocking gun cabinet.  And remember your kid does not have to be crazy.  We did not cure stupid or hardheaded.  Both still exist.  Do you really want to be the parents on television explaining why your obviously crazy kid spent weekends at the gun range with you before shooting up the school?  At some point we are going to start holding shitty parents responsible for the deeds of their crazy kids.  It is inevitable.  Don’t be the first set of parents to go to the electric chair because Crazy Timmy got a bag with no green gummy bears and had to murder his classmates.

     If your kid is on prescription drugs for behavioral/emotional issues he is more likely to become a school shooter.  We all know that blank, void stare of various school shooters.  This stare is drug induced.  It is the result of years on medication which blunt a child's emotions.  I know.... I know... your kid needs them or they are out of control.  Maybe what they need is an attentive parent, who is not on prescription drugs for their emotional problems, who doles out CONSEQUENCES.  Maybe some of these kids aren't bipolar and autistic.  Maybe some of them are tremendously confused both intellectually and emotionally because they have not received their daily dose of CONSEQUENCES.  It is much easier to shoot up a school when your emotions are muted.

     Last…. know if you have a crazy kid.  How do you know if you have a crazy kid?  Do you lock your bedroom door at night?  Have household pets mysteriously died or disappeared?  Does your kid lose his temper easily over minor issues?  Has he seriously hurt any of your other non-crazy kids?  Do you cut his meat because you don’t trust him with a knife?  Is his best friend his imaginary friend?  Does he walk home from school by his self?  Are you scared of him?  Have you considered an exorcism?  Does he look crazy (ask a neighbor)?    If your kid is male.  If your kid is white.  If your kid is on medication.  If your kid is crazy.  You might be raising a school shooter.   

     It would seem the problem is people not guns.  It is true people kill people… but is much easier to kill people with guns, especially guns which fire quickly and do not require much skill.  I know… I know… you hunt with your rifle.  Killing another living being is a sport to you.  I would suggest you are one of the crazy kids, who did not shoot up a school, who grew up to be a crazy adult.  You kill a living being as a hobby… for a sport.  Not for survival.  For a fucking sport.  Sound crazy?  Some crazy kids don’t shoot up schools.  They grow up to be crazy adults who mass murder from a Vegas hotel window or a university tower or in the HR office at the post office.  Read what I am saying…. YOU KILL ANOTHER LIVING BEING FOR SPORT… this is crazy.

     Maybe I'm just shooting off my mouth.  But at least everyone walked away alive.