SAYING GOODBYE TO THE HYMEN

Hymenoplasty, that's right, modern medicine has again stepped up where common sense and integrity dare not tread. Surgeons are now reconstructing the hymen. That's right the elusive and somewhat mythical hymen, the twenty-first century's vaginal Bigfoot, has become the new medical focus.
It seems some "experienced" men are upset their non-hypocritical brides-to-be may have led them to believe they posses more than the eye can see. One such duped husband, upset at his new brides deception, waived he and his wife's blood-free bedclothes at the still present wedding party and coerced a confession from his beleaguered bride. This event begs the questions 1) how long did this bridal party go on? and 2) did the husband excuse he and his wife from the nuptial celebration to take his new brides virginity? Clearly the wife has made quite a catch in such a romantic.
The hymenoplasty in not only serving those who voluntarily lost their hymens but also those who have lost their hymens due to demanding exercise (extreme jumping jacks), as a result of a collision (with the Oscar Mayer wiener mobile) or a fall (on an erect penis).
Exhaustive research has revealed the reconstructed hymen is designed by a biomedical firm named Aldutra. Each hymen is emblazoned with their logo and color (a scarlet A). Presently the Aldutra research team is also working on a vibrating clitoris, a wrinkle free rectum and a softer and more forgiving taint.
Presently women are paying upwards of $5,250 to have their hymen reconstructed in private French clinics. Hymen reconstruction can also be had in Tunisia, Algeria, and Moroco for as little as $300. The Algerian hymens, made in China, have recently been recalled as the high lead content have caused spontaneous pregnancies in many women, further complicating these women's already complicated vaginal circumstances.
It has also been discovered in leaked corporate documents that 30-40% of both natural and reconstructed hymens do not bleed when punctured. This information has only further muddied the already muddy hymen waters.
In breaking news two non-reconstructed "accused" women have countersued their husbands for coming up short in puncturing their "alleged" natural hymens. These two men are refusing to face the press and answer brief questions. Stay tuned for more breaking news regarding the hymen..............

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