REGURGITATIONS

     Edward Snowden, the Glady Kravitz, of the national security world, has revealed what we have known for decades.  The government is listening to our phone calls and reading our e-messages.  Holy shit, maybe I should stop posting pics of my dick on the internet for a few moments and feign outrage at this invasion of my personal privacy!      God forbid the United States government have as much access to our personal information as our credit card company.  The credit card company is trying to sell us the much needed Ronco Fry Daddy.  The government is spying on us to prevent possible terrorist attacks.  We don't need no stinking protection from my government, unless of course terrorists are attempting to steal my George Foreman grill.       What is the outrage about?  What the fuck are you emailing you don't want the government to see?  No one wants to see topless pictures of the fat wh...

     July of 2012, Daniel Tosh was performing at the venerable Laugh Factory when he responded to a heckler with the retort "Wouldn't that be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now?"  As a comedian, I find the most offensive aspect of this remark is... it was not funny.  Tosh's response was that of a three month veterans of open mic.  I was very disappointed as I find Tosh and his show funny.  More importantly, I found his response to the heckler mean-spirited and cruel.  I do not believe it is the role of the comedian to bully audience members.  I also do not believe every joke will sit well with every audience member nor do I expect each audience member to rise and voice their displeasure with every single joke.  It is a comedy show.  From time to time someone may get offended, just like in life.      Since this episode there has been much discussion in the comedy community about rape joke...

                  DESPICABLE  DOUBLE  STANDARD      Today I had the opportunity to watch Dr. Phil's interview with the mother that voluntarily disappeared eleven years ago, Brenda Heist.  Brenda, after dropping her two children at school, sat on a park bench and wept under the stress of her impending divorce.  She stated she did not believe she would be able to financially provide for her two children.  As she sat crying on the park bench a group of homeless people wandered by and eventually Barbara left with this group.  She would eventually make her way to Florida where approximately eleven years later she would turn herself in thinking there was an arrest warrant out on her.      America has been riveted by this story.  It was national headlines for days.  Today Dr. Phil McGraw interview Barbara for the first time.  I...

     We need our guns as the second amendment guarantees.  We need to protect ourselves against the government.  Ask the South how well that approach worked in the 1860's (you know, the South is gonna rise again).  Yes, because the government is a threat.  Sure the government is made up of citizens, but that's not the point.  Okay, so it's not really normal citizens.  It's rich, white, old, male citizens.  As we know these are the types of people who are always wanting a physical confrontation, especially if you are on their lawn.       Of course us citizens are going to face down our government. We've seen Red Dawn, we know how it's done. We, the citizens of America, are experts at organizing as long as their is a t-shirt, a colorful ribbon, a 5K, and of course, funnel cake.  Because that is what the United States government is going to do.  They are going to face us with guns.  You kn...

  December 12, 2012 in Newtown, CT a twenty year old male entered an elementary school and shot and killed twenty first grade children and an additional 6 adults before taking his own life.   The intentional targeting of children has left many bewildered and asking the question  "Where was God?"      God was where he always is.... in the stands devouring an green pepper and onion smothered bratwurst chased down by a cold one in the local teams commemorative cup.  Humanities biggest fan..... never misses an event .       There is nothing quite as frail as the blind faith of the Christian faithful.  Where could their God have been?  Playing Halo?  Texting while flying?  Watching Honey Boo Boo?  No, He was right there.... it's part of the whole omnipresence thing.  It is part of the Master Plan..... or ...... of course.... we could blame it on the devil.  Give it a few more days.... and we will ge...

     I have often heard, in my three short years in comedy, the key to being a professional comedian is getting on stage and "not giving a shit."  Often this philosophy is attributed to Bill Hicks or George Carlin.  I know neither Hicks or Carlin personally but I can assure you... they gave a shit.  This is why they are not only professional comedians, they are legends.      For those who may have misunderstood this philosophy or simply be too stupid to understand, let me attempt to clarify.  The philosophy of "not giving a shit" refers to a comedian's failure to accept the the conventions, standards and collective perspective of society.  This "don't give a shit" mantra was advanced to encourage comedians to fight the "power" or "the man" with disdain and without fear of retaliation much like Dick Gregory, Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock.  It is my understanding they were imp...

                            RAPE   -  A  DYING  ART  FORM      For as long as I can remember, rape has been viewed as a traumatic tragedy.  Recent events have brought light to this subject.  Finally, rape has been legitimized with what else?  Legitimate Rape.  It is about time.  Now it is my understanding that some rape is considered acceptable, if not honorable. This is a great day for rapist.  After all those years working in the shadows, the rapist can now proudly reveal themselves.  Undoubtedly, this is a proud moment in our country's history.      I can now rest easy at night knowing that maybe one day my little girl can be legitimately raped in a dark alley by a fully trained and licensed rapist.  No more concerns regarding a sexual assault...