JUNK TOUCHING

The TSA is violating civil liberties in order to perform security searches at the airport. So this is the complaint by the conservative right. We could stop the intrusion by our government and have the searches cease. Here is where it gets hairy. I find falling 30,000 feet in a fiery ball of twisted metal to be a greater violation of my civil liberties. I know Obama has forced these intrusive searches on us. Well, not actually. Such searches were enacted by the Bush administration immediately after 9/11. I know it has been over 9 years now but remember if you can the towers collapsing and the US citizens who had their civil liberties violated by terrorists flying planes into the towers. Yeah, remember now?

People are complaining the pat downs and scans go to far. I hear their complaint. Yet I am concerned the searches are not thorough enough. I vividly remember, during my prison term, some ingenious convicts smuggling drugs into the prison in their rectums. I am not intimately familiar with the rectum but I can only imagine if it can allow a drug baggie and/or large black penis (as I have seen in porn videos) I can only surmise it can also conceal a weapon of terror. I, myself, will not feel comfortable with airport/airline security until I know TSA employees are elbow deep in asses and vaginas.

I know what you are thinking. Who would TSA hire to perform such searches? This is the point where we kill three societal birds with one stone. TSA search agent positions could easily be filled by pedophiles and rapists. It is common knowledge pedophiles and rapists cannot be rehabilitated. Now we would have no need to rehabilitate them as it would only reduce the potential work force. We want enthusiastic self starters in such positions. Employing pedophiles and rapists would also reduce training time for such TSA positions as these individuals are intimately aware and have real world experience in the ins and outs of rectums and vaginas. Another obvious consequence of such a plan would be a drastic reduction in sexual assault crimes.

For those who complain the X-ray scanners allow for NAKED viewing of their body, I might only suggest such individuals have never seen an actual naked body. I would encourage such individuals to visit the local adult book store and browse some of the many SKIN flicks and magazines available. SKIN being the operative word. Body scans reveal bones and metal. I believe such images may only be found arousing to a necrophiliac. I believe such complaints are the domain of those possessing small genitals and/or breasts. Such individuals should have already grown accustomed to snickering where their body is concerned. I would suggest counseling for such damaged souls.

For those who continue to have a firm grasp on this irrational belief I would suggest - Road Trips. You do not have to subject yourself to such violations. You can simply drive your selfish whining ass to your desired location. This could be time well spent with the medicated wife and the loud-mouthed kids. Time to practice those "family values" I often hear about but rarely see.

I hope I have given you something to ponder while you momentarily stall your rail against the government's attack on your civil liberties. A moment of contemplation is always refreshing. I might be so bold to suggest contemplating this egregious attack on your civil liberties as you crawl through the school zone of your local school, curb your automobile as an emergency vehicle passes or rest comfortably in your office building knowing firearms are prohibited on the premises. I have said my piece and will now retire for a few moments in the outdoor smoking area of my favorite restaurant. Good day!